My nipple is on Facebook.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
