woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
