Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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