well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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