So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
