We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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