i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
