He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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