he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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