ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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