Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
