god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
