I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
