planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have aggressive nipples.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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