Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
