I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
