I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
