Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
