Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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