the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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