Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
