I'm eating all of the evidence.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
