I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
