Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
