My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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