I hate your face
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
