Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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