You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
