I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
