You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
