i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
