Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
