is your mom at the bar?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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