Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
