If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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