Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize