I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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