WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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