I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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