Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
