I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
