the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
