ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
