A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
