WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
