He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
