He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
