some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
