dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
