Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
