You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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