is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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