Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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