The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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