You smell like a Billy Joel song
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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