Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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