The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
