small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
