Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
