Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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