She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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