If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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