There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
