i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
