Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
