glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All the doctor said was why
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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