my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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