Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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