sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
