This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
