just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
