Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
