He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
