Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
