Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
