he was CRYING into my vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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