She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
